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| Anonymous posted #1169 ★ FIshy fanny is fishy ★ Saturday 19th of May 2012 06:09:25 PM ★ posted on Out & About |
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>be drunk
>need a place to stay
>friends have all hooked up
>find a landwhale
>seduce her
>plan to only sleep at her house
>get to her house
>watch tv
>she starts making moves on me
>roll with it
>she asks if i want to go upstairs
>agree
>mess around for a bit but don't go down on her
>slap on the rubber
>get her into doggy style
>part her fat cheeks
>all systems are ready to go
>suddenly it hits me
>rancid stench of rotting fish
>pause
>wonder if its me
>sniff around
>sniff towards her vadge
>dry wretch
>sober up quick sharp
>she asks if everythings ok
>look at my quickly retreating penis
>tell her i go soft with condoms
I'm far too nice to tell someone i don't want to fuck them, because their gash smells likes a fishmongers bin that's been left in the sun for 3 days.
>she offers to suck me off
>accept
>finish and make my excuses
>get a taxi home
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| Tags: bitches need to learn to wash |
| Some Fag !otnRSDkuZA posted #1167 ★ Whoops. ★ Thursday 17th of May 2012 09:20:09 PM ★ posted on Worst Things I've Done |
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>be the other day
>Dad lets me borrow his car to do errands with
>get errands done, swing by boyfriend's place
>boyfriend's little sister playing with the family beagle in front yard
>don't like dogs, disregard and enter house
>play area 51 for a half hour, until I have an appointment to get to
>exit, go to car, back out of driveway
>THUMP
>world freezes
>oh shit
>OH SHIT
>boyfriend's little sister looks horrified
>get out of car
>beagle crushed under back wheel of car
>girl cries, accuses me of murder, runs off
>feelsbadman.jpg
>get told to leave by parents
>pull car out of driveway
>beagle guts everywhere
>boyfriend's Dad gives me a look of death
>drive away as fast as I can
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| Tags: fucked up again dog beagle death murder vehicular manslaughter |
| Anonymous posted #1166 ★ Muslim Bitches ★ Sunday 13th of May 2012 03:53:52 PM ★ posted on Out & About |
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>be sophomore in hs
>fucking Muslim chick in my math class
>because school is afraid of being sued, they give her a personal classroom so she can pray
>gets to leave class and pray 5 times a day
>hear rumor that if a sandnigger chick gets raped, the family actually gets mad at her and not the attacker
>lightbulboverhead.jpeg
>wait in math class until she gets up to leave so she can pray
>ask to use bathroom
>stand outside the room shes in
>coast is clear
>kick open door
>MFW shes playing Pokémon Red
>youdungoofed.tif
>close door behind me and charge her
>rip off burka and get treated to an epic bush that smells like hummus
>fuck her in ass
>yell "praise Allah!!" as I cum in her face
>walk out and close door like a boss
>MFW she told her dad when she got home
>MFW she was killed 3 days later for bringing dishonor upon her family
>MFW that was 2 years ago and nothings happened to me
>MFW when her prayer classroom is now a smoking lounge for faculty and above 18 students.
>MFW progress
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| Tags: muslim |
| Anonymous posted #1164 ★ stalking my love at the mall ★ Thursday 10th of May 2012 07:37:36 PM ★ posted on Embarrassed |
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>15 in the mall with 2 of my friends
>see hot chick from class with her gang of friends, shopping
>stalk her all day with 2 friends, plotting love interests
>too scared to make contact, stay hidden until more courage is conjured
>she's on her way out of the mall, it's now or never
>me up on second floor, her on first, walking to the exit
>it's now or never, I pull everything I have
>run to edge of balcony, we make eye contact
>open mouth to say... something, anything
>huge wave of nausea, uncontrollable
>puke mall food over the railing, all over her & her friends
>see her at school next monday
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| Tags: puke |
| Anonymous posted #1162 ★ shitty prank is totes shitty ★ Thursday 3rd of May 2012 05:55:49 PM ★ posted on Worst Things I've Done |
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>be 15
>have fat friends
>think of funny prank
>sister has moved out of family home
>she left some bras
>awesome prank idea occurs
>take bra to school on gym day
>after gym make sure i'm first into changing rooms
>leave bra hanging out of friends bag
>friend enters changing room
>rushes to bag and puts bra on another fatty friends bag
>other guy shoves bra into his bag quick sharp
>no one notices
>sit back and think about failed prank
>realise i've just bullied two close friends that get ripped about their weight
feels bad bro
>sister comes home and finds bra missing
>sister was not happy at missing bra
>friend that took bra keeps it
>dafuq
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| Tags: putting bra in bag makes my heart feel bad |
| Anonymous posted #1161 ★ Midget man ★ Wednesday 2nd of May 2012 07:42:22 PM ★ posted on Out & About |
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>tripping balls on three hits of some spectacular acid with buddy
>he was tripping too
>be walking down a road
>a midget we know rolls by in his jeep
>asks if we want to chill
>we say sure for some reason, don't know why
>he wants to visit the graves/site of accident of two girls who died in a horrific car accident while being coked up
>we say uhhh sure
>go to grave site
>find graves
>midget starts saying really fucked up, creepy shit about the girls
>we say we're gonna leave, begs us to stay and smokes a blunt
>we go to accident site
>starts saying shit like "I can feel their presence"
>starts sobbing and yelling and convulsing on the ground
>friend and I really freaked out at this point so we dip fast, leaving the convulsing midget
>two years later: mfw midget is a male to female transvestite
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| Tags: midget tranny acid dead_girls |
| Anonymous posted #1160 ★ My chance with crush ★ Wednesday 2nd of May 2012 12:42:15 PM ★ posted on Embarrassed |
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>be yesterday (Walburgis day/May Day/ whatever you want to call it)
>go out drinking to a park nearby with few of my best buddies
>drink a fucking lot of booze and beer
>suddenly my crush appears with a friend of her (I've actually known that friend for some time now, but have never said a word to my crush, only seen her as we're in the same university)
>have a good time, chit chatting something stupid like drunk people always do
>crush asks me if I want to go to bar with her
>tell her that I have enough beer and booze to share so we don't need to go to a bar
>she's ok with it, we keep chatting
>suddenly all the booze I've drank kicks in
>eyes start playing pinball
>I'm getting to feel dizzy
>suddenly puke, puke everywhere
>still know what's going on around me, even though I'm in so bad shape I can't even stand straight
>crush leaves while I am puking and my friends are helping me
>one of my friends escorted me back home
>today every single one of my friends said that my crush (they don't know I have a crush on her) probably wanted to make out with me and she left 'cause I started puking
>I'll probably never get a second chance
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| Tags: drunk puke crush alcohol party teenage_romance |
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