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| Anonymous posted #1457 ★ almost roommate ★ Sunday 19th of May 2013 12:37:12 PM ★ posted on Out & About |
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>mom sits me down after dinner one day
>"Anon, I can't pay the rent anymore so I'm getting a roommate. her name's cindy and i think she said she had a daughter"
>"ok"
>I'm thinking "daughter" means like 6 or 7 years old
>lolnope
>Cindy comes over the same day
>fucking smoking hot 10 of a MILF and her daughter who is a 16 year old goddess walk into my house
>mom shows them around
>silently praying they're our new roommates
>Cindy straight up says the house is too small and they'll be looking somewhere else
>fucking dammit
>new roommate now is a pretty fat neckbeard who tries too hard to be my dad and complains about the food
>mom doesn't kick him out because he makes decent money
>fuckin pisses me off man
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| Tags: hot roommate |
| SomeFag !SP0f9SOP8Y posted #1456 ★ Adventures with chinamen and hereditary alcoholism. ★ Friday 17th of May 2013 09:51:36 AM ★ posted on Embarrassed |
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>years ago
>be 17
>summertime
>have new fling with [slightly older- 19] hipster-y Chinese guy
>never meet his parents [too traditional]
>his older brother doesn't give a fuck
>decked out in tattoos, drives a cool car, pretty sure I saw a gun in the glovebox once
>miiiiight've been a Triad member [or, more likely, a wannabe]
>anyway
>older brother offers to take us out drinking at some seedy-ass place in Chinatown
>they don't check for I.D, cops don't bother them
>seems legit
>head out Friday night
>arrive at place
>it's a shithole
>we've already smoked a blunt so we get pork buns
>food is actually amazing [or I was high]
>we look at their drink menu
>they have some huge "wheel" with crazy-ass, fruity Chinese drinks with rum in 'em and shit
>decide then and there I'm going to drink my way around it
>receive encouragement from boyfriend and his brother
>drink hurricane, daiquiri, some other fruity shit, fuck knows what else, I was wayyyyyyyy too fucked up to remember
>get to 9th drink
>decide I want a shot of scotch to break up all the fruityness
>boyfriend and brother are shitfaced by this point so they encourage it
>get shot
>down it
>3 seconds later realize I've made a terrible mistake
>get up
>holy shit the room is spinning
>can barely fucking walk
>stumble my way out to the parking lot, choking back tears and vomit
>make it out
>IMMA FIRIN MAH LAZER
>barf. everywhere. on everything.
>boyfriend is now outside comforting me while his brother proceeds to laugh his fucking ass off
>get hauled into car and driven home
I can only remember trying not to puke over his brother's nice riceburner interior, and I'm pretty sure he said [in chinese] that he'd cut my kidneys out if I did.
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| Tags: chinese china gay triad drinks drinking drunk rum scotch tequila stupid funny barf puke shame |
| kraken posted #1454 ★ silly friends ★ Thursday 9th of May 2013 02:00:18 PM ★ posted on Out & About |
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>be at a girl's birthday party
>pretty late, only guy left
>have a pretty intense conversation with birthday girl
>girl is known to be decent
>her friends say I should leave when they do
>I laugh and say they should know her, she would never do anything stupid
>friends leave
>have sex
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| Tags: party lie sex |
| kraken posted #1453 ★ +1 ★ Thursday 9th of May 2013 01:53:33 PM ★ posted on Out & About |
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>about 5 years ago
>at a bar
>friend flirt with a girl he like
>friend get wicked drunk and sort of pass out
>girl starts to flirt with me
>an hour later bar ask friend to leave
>he can't really stand by himself
>me and girl decide to try follow him home
>he is really fucked up, walking takes forever
>girl live near and decide he can have her couch for the night
>have to carry my friend the last part, put him on her couch
>I go to fetch some water, she go to toilet
>when back in her room my friend somehow have moved to her bed
>I shrug and say goodnite, enjoy
>she ask me to stay
>end up have sex next to passed out friend with the girl he likes
>still feel bad about it
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| Tags: drunk friend friendship feels bad sex |
| kraken posted #1451 ★ nice to meet you...? ★ Thursday 9th of May 2013 01:21:52 PM ★ posted on Out & About |
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>be guy
>party at my place
>lots of friends, a few new people
>get wicked drunk
>morning after
>this isn't my room!
>turn around, see a girl I don't know and my female neighbour
>everyone nude
>stranger girl, seem a bit weird and young
>small bed.. cuddle the stranger
>memories come back
>maybe smoking something
>remember talk and start of sex, don't remember how far it went
>fall asleep again
>neighbour wake me with coffee
>"good morning such a beautiful day blabla"
>we talk about random stuff and drink coffee
>neighbour leave for work, never see the other girl again
>find a random person on my couch
>play n64 all day
>new party same evening
>mfw my neighbour bring her boyfriend
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| Tags: drunk sex awkward |
| SomeFag !SP0f9SOP8Y posted #1450 ★ My experience with...satanists? Cultists? Fuck knows. ★ Friday 3rd of May 2013 03:55:49 AM ★ posted on Out & About |
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>be 17
>camping trip with a few bros during summer break
>drive up to Bumfuck, Maine
>find recluse area of Maine woodland
>set up camp
>not too dark out yet, seems like a good time for a hike
>roll blunt, go on hike
>smoke blunt as we hike
>then another one
>eventually we've been wandering along the trail so long that it's almost night-time
>start heading back
>realize I need to shit
>tell friends I'll be right back, exit off of path and into wilderness
>shit behind tree
>get up to find my way back to path
>really high at this point, can't remember
>start wandering in the direction I think is right
>see warm glow through woods
>must be our campfire
>wander towards it
>get closer, hear some kind of singing/chanting
>sounds mostly female
>what
>look through thicket of trees
>make out firepit with people surrounding it, standing up, about 7 or 8 of them
>looks like it's all chicks, couldn't be sure
>they're wearing weird clothing; robes, hoods, etc.
>looks like they stepped out of some RPG with summoners
>about to leave when one of them notices my face through the darkness and trees
>"INTRUDER!"
>shiiiiiiiiit
>turn and fucking book it
>can hear shouting and running behind me
>NOPE NOPE NOPE, not about to be murdered/possibly gangraped
>run for full mile back to camp, losing pursuers somewhere along the way
>high is completely fucking gone by the time I stumble back to camp base
>bros ask what the hell happened
>explain, a few of them don't believe me
>swear up and down it's true, that we should leave, etc.
>bros calm me down with another blunt, reassure me we can take any crazy people that come at us, we have a gun [in case of black bears], etc.
>feeling better, go to sleep
>next morning, wake up
>there's a small dead animal in front of all our tents
>I say animal because the thing had been fucking mutilated, it could've been a squirrel or bird or fuck knows
>decide we should seek a new camping site
>some guys disassemble camp while I take 3 of my friends to go and check out where I saw the hooded people
>takes about an hour and a half of wandering around before we find it
>small clearing in woods
>center is where a firepit used to be
>nothing but ash now, with weird dark stains surrounding the area of the firepit
>find weird twig doll nailed to tree
>we nope out of there pretty quickly and back to our other friends
>get in car, seek new camping area
>as we're driving out I notice what appears to be a goat skull hung from a tree
All these years later and I'm still kicking myself for not taking pictures. This was before everyone had a smartphone, mind you.
So, were they cultists? KKK members? Edgy teenagers? Up to you to decide, I guess.
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| Tags: maine camping cult cultists crazy people hoods campsite weed blunt scary satanism satanic ritual woods forest wilderness stupid teenagers |
| Anonymous posted #1449 ★ fuckin hobos man ★ Wednesday 24th of April 2013 08:44:22 AM ★ posted on Out & About |
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>in macon georgia returning prom tuxes with friend
>coming home
>taking scenic route through downtown macon
>come across street called 'bay street'
>couldn't see the other side because it was blocked by trees and such
>have to go through an underground tunnel to get to the other side of bay street
>go through it listening to my car's exhaust
>come up on other side
>completely empty
>literally no one anywhere except for us
>friend says "this is fucking cool"
>I agree even though it had a creepy aura about it
>driving around
>find this building that was smaller on the bottom than it was on the top
>all rusted
>some railroad company building
>creepyasfuck
>go back through tunnel and park car so we can see what the tunnel goes under
>find an abandoned railroad track with random arches around it
>high pitched sound emanating through the entire place above the tunnel
>decide we want to get on one of the arches
>grassy hill behind an arch provides easy access
>notice a (probably) homeless man pushing a cart and wearing a metal helmet walking along the tracks in the opposite direction
>don't think anything of it
>start to walk to the start of the grassy hill to get on top of the arch
>find a broken down bendy bus next to the railroad tracks
>friend says "holy shit I saw somewhere about this. This is a nest of homeless people"
>decide to turn around but as we look up......
>homeless man from earlier is sprinting - SPRINTING - at us as fast as his homeless legs could carry him
>shocked for a second and don't move
>homeless man not breaking and keeps sprinting
>nope and run like fuck back to the car
>speed out of there
>never take the scenic route ever again
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| Tags: hobos freaky wtf |
| Anonymous posted #1448 ★ the lazies ★ Sunday 21st of April 2013 08:57:58 AM ★ posted on Worst Things I've Done |
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>Be 14
>Lives with mom who does all the work
>Is lazy and does nothing
>Has 2 giant rottweiler dogs
>ALL THEY EVER DO IS SHIT IN THE FLOOR
>Mom comes home everyday and cleans it, I ignore it
>Don't care.jpg
>One day, be home alone
>Has to take a shit
>Bathroom is upstairs
>Start to walk upstairs
>Too lazy and full of poo
>See numerous dog turds scattered in room next to mine
>thought bubble.jpg
>Drops pants
>Squats, takes a large, 10-15 minute shit right there in the middle of the room
>Wipes ass with face tissues, puts in garbage can in the far corner of the room
>2 hours later
>Room reaks of human and dog shit mingling
>Mom comes home
>Totally forgot about shit at this point, besides the horrible smell, don't even think about it
>Mom comes in my room, says hi, tells about her day, yadda yadda
>She leaves room
>10 minutes later
>Decide to go get a drink
>Walk in next room
>See mom picking up dog shit
>Just in time to see MY turd in her plastic shit-bag
>Feels completely guilty
>Doesn't say a word
>Hasn't said a word for 5 years
>Still shits in room sometimes
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| Tags: mom dog shit |
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